Brinjal Murphy™ Café

I, like most people, have many political opinions and am very tempted to launch into a political opinion journal, but I never intended my website to become a political platform, there are quite enough of those, until now.  I find it very difficult to hold back when it comes to Vitamins.  I am a huge believer in Vitamin Supplements for a healthy life and have taken large quantities of vitamins every day for many many years without ill effects and with HUGE benefits to both my family and myself.

Now Senator John McCain wants the FDA to get involved in regulating the Vitamin Industry and has introduced the Dietary Supplement Safety Act, S.3002.  That infuriates me. When will the government stop regulating everything?  They have regulated us into oblivion and then some and they always use our safety as an excuse to remove more and more of our freedoms. 

We have done just fine as far as vitamin safety is concerned for at least the 38 years that I have been taking vitamin supplements but now Senator John McCain and his cosponsor(s) want the FDA to regulate the potency of vitamin supplements to be more in line with the European Food Safety Authority and institute more controls.  What ridiculous nonsense is this?  Since when has the European Food Safety Authority become our Big Daddy and why are we being tucked under the FDA's wing as though we are little children needing guidance in choosing what vitamins and what potency we need for ourselves. 

I have to ask: Senator McCain are you so afraid of your safety in whatever essential minerals and vitamins you may be taking that you need to ask the FDA to tell you what they think is best for you?  Do you think the supplements that are designed to improve and keep you healthy and prevent you from becoming ill need to be regulated for the safety of your health?  Did you know that Vitamins HELP you to avoid taking those dangerous medications that the FDA does approve of?  Why on earth would you purposely want to regulate vitamin supplements and essential minerals and herbs? 

Why, Senator McCain would you want to make robots out of us?  Why do you want the government to have complete control over our lives in the preposterously innocent guise of safety?   How nonsensical is that?

Another case of science bumping common sense out of the equation.

I read an article online a couple of days ago (unfortunately I didn't save it) about studies on why some children get bullied and how these victims can change their demeanor to become more acceptable. It stuck in the back of my mind until this evening when I finally had time to think about it and why it rankled.  Bullies were being excused for their behavior. 

Suddenly it was the victim to blame for lacking "social skills" and parents were being advised on how they could teach their victimized children to share and be socially acceptable to the bullies of this world.  

Is it only me, I thought, or are there other Moms out there who reject such an absurd idea;  reject the premise that a child who is bullied, somehow, through a subtle lack of social skills "asks" to be bullied and rejected because of their little nuisances of possibly not seeing that their behavior is irritating the bully. 

Wow!  I do hope there aren't any foolish Moms who follow this idea simply because the article referenced scientific studies done by psychologists.  My goodness, common sense tells us that it is the bully that should be studied if anyone is going to be studied.  That it is the bully who lacks social skills and needs to be taught to share. 

It seems to me that in the rush to explain bad behavior in some people, it is expedient to find something in the victim that "forced" the perpetrator to act badly towards them.  How convenient.  Just think about how that can play out throughout life if we allow the bullies the "benefit of the doubt" and train the more timid of us to do everything to placate the bully's actions.

Tell that to a battered wife, a parent of a murdered child or a rape victim or a bombing victim. That way one is excusing the wife abuser, murderer, the rapist and the terrorist.  They were all just bullies who were irritated by what the victim did or didn't do to them or because they couldn't get their way.

I reckon that is suggestive psychology at its worst.  I wonder if these people ever study common sense but I guess if you can't put a picture, a scientific equation or the right question to it, it doesn't exit.  Who can explain what common sense is?  It just is!  Some have an abundance of it and some, sadly, have absolutely none.

God was particularly careful and precise when He created the earth wasn't He?

He placed it exactly where it would get heat from the sun and tide movement from the moon.

He gave it air and gravity and sunshine and rain.

He worked in the seasons and a cyclical traverse that causes natural occurrences and vegetation and plant to thrive and die and thus forge elements according to His plan.

He created it all so that man could construct shelters and be able to cook and have heat from coal and gas and wood and oil and he added gold and silver, diamonds and copper for man to prosper.

He gave man meat and fish to eat, trees laden with fruit and soil to grow food.

Yes, God loves the earth and it is not man in his wisdom who'll "save" or "destroy" it

because God in His wisdom will be the one to charts its course.

It is, after all, God's Hand that turns the World.

Yesterday I made a Christmas Pudding.  I haven't made one in many years.  Mainly because I haven't really seen the ingredients for one while in the U.S., but I came across a bag of Safari Cake Mix from South Africa on the shelf at the International Food Store …… mmm…. I seem to be giving them a plug here!!!  Anyway, although it was pricy, its contents of sultanas, golden sultanas, seedless raisins, currents and candied citrus peel in variable proportions all contribute to the flavor of, what I know as, a darn tasty Christmas Pudding and I wanted to enjoy a homemade Christmas favorite. 

I also made meringues and will glue two together with thickly whipped cream as part of dessert on Christmas Day.  It is a McMonagle Christmas tradition to have homemade meringues and cream for Christmas Dinner.  That and Roast Leg of Lamb.  Those two items are our specialty.

The Christmas Tree has been trimmed in gold and red and though its only about 6' 3" this year as opposed to the 8' one of last year, it fills the "Christmas Tree Spot" perfectly with its merry lights. The lighted houses and tea light candle holders surrounded with fake snow, send wisps of light and flame dancing across the living room.  The Christmas stockings are hanging from the mantle and in every nook and cranny there are snowmen, Santa, holly and elves.

The bright red Christmas plates and bowls, placemats and coasters, salt and pepper shakers and napkins stand ready for the Christmas Day fare and in true South African tradition, the box of Christmas Crackers wait to take their place as a prominent part of the Christmas Dinner Table.  They will amuse and delight with their snaps, jokes and paper hats.

Lastly but most important of all, in a corner of the fireplace the nativity figurines are carefully placed around the baby Jesus, reminding us what Christmas is really all about.

Without Him, none of the above would exist and with Him in our hearts at this time, the wonderful Spirit of Christmas comes alive. 

It’s the time of the year when giving is so much bigger than receiving and whether the giving and receiving is large or small nothing can mean anything without the spirit of Christmas to touch us.

It is within this Spirit of Christmas that I dedicate this page to my dearest beloved and only brother who is in hospital at this time wrestling with Mesothelioma cancer and repeated surgeries.  Although you are 10,000 miles away, in my mind, you are as close as if you were but in the next room.  I "see" all the Christmases we had together, with all the trimmings and trappings but it is the spirit of family and togetherness that I feel more than anything else.  Memory must surely be one of God's finest gifts.  What joy to see you and hear your laughter even when you cannot be with us and we cannot be with you.  

Merry Christmas dear brother.

Update on Wednesday, December 23, 2009 at 8:53AM by [Pamela McMonagle]

Quick Christmas Pudding

There is still time before Christmas to bake a Christmas Pudding.  The microwave recipe I used takes 10 minutes in a 700w microwave and 5.10 minutes in a 1200w microwave, plus standing time.  If you would like a copy of the Microwave Christmas Pudding, please join our free membership section.  Along with the Christmas Pudding recipe there is also a recipe for Brandy Source and Brandy Butter - your choice -  to serve over your pudding. Merry Christmas!

You Are My Daughter

There are things in my life that I can do without

but I never, never want to be without you

You are the light of my day and joy of my night

you bring sun beams into every corner of my life

You are my daughter

Your smile, your laughter, your spirited disposition

transforms every moment, every situation

to something vibrant and quite exceptional

and your honesty and integrity is definitely admirable

You are my daughter

You can articulate and argue with passion

yet your sensitivity and thoughtfulness has no comparison

you are indeed the sweetest, prettiest girl I know

with charm and grace you exude a golden glow

You are my daughter

And not to mention your songful voice

would be a crime I would not commit by choice

for it can enthrall and thrill an amphitheatre

Yes, indeed, I am really proud you are my daughter!

 by Pamela McMonagle ©2009

To each and every store that I might shop at, I'll be most offended if you do not wish me a Merry Christmas and also if you totally ignore that Christmas is what prompts the vast majority of gift buying and not the "holidays".

If you take Christmas out of the "Holiday", what holiday do you have?  Oh, I know, maybe you're referring to New Year's Day!  We don't say Happy Holiday on Independence Day nor do we say Happy Holiday for Thanksgiving Day.  I see no reason to say Happy Holiday for Christmas Day.

Some would rather that the 25th of December be a holiday without naming the holiday and the reason for the holiday.  For years they have been defining the cards, the lights and the trees and gifts as "holiday fare" yet the very reason for them is the holiday we know as Christmas. 

It's even difficult to find the words Christmas Card on the packs of seasonal greetings cards and, lately, the Christmas Tree has become the "holiday tree". When will manufacturers and retailers learn that we want Christmas Cards, Christmas Lights, Christmas Ornaments and Christmas Trees to celebrate Christmas Day and the Christmas Season!  When will they realize that the majority of people in America and Europe are Christians, be they active or not. We are not "Holiday" Shoppers, we are Christmas Shoppers.  When will they realize that to us it is Merry Christmas or Happy Christmas, not Happy Holidays, that brings all these things together not the "non offensive" word Holiday.

Be proud to wish your Christian friends a wonderful Christmas, don't hide it behind "happy holidays" as though there is something to be ashamed of.  We're not ashamed of Christmas, we love Christmas, we're ashamed of those who try hide it in the shadow of neutrality.   

Maybe its time to add the true Christmas Carols like "Oh Little Town of Bethlehem", "Once in Royal David's City", "The First Noel" and "Silent Night" to the other Christmas songs in your store.  Make a difference because most of your shoppers really care that Christ was born and want to celebrate His birthday when they shop for Christmas presents and prepare for Christmas Day.

Stop catering to the minority and embrace the majority!!

It is 21 years ago since I first heard about Accutane (Roaccutane, as it is known outside of America) and 20 years since I decided to take a course of Accutane pills to rid myself of acne. 

I was well out of my teens, married with a son of eight and daughter of five and still I had large blind acne lumps continually appearing and lingering for weeks on my face; many times persistently reappearing in the same spot.  They were painful and unsightly and leaving pitted scars.  For years I had gone from one dermatologist to the next for help. I'd spent an inordinate amount of money on lotions and potions both over-the-counter and prescription and taken course after course of tetracyclines, all to no avail.  The acne did not abate and the scarring was an added torment. 

When my five year old daughter was in hospital for suspected encephalitis and her nurse's eyes kept straying to the huge boil-like spot between my eyebrows, I made the decision to see my dermatologist about going on Accutane.

The physician I consulted explained the pros and cons of Accutane and how important it was not to become pregnant because of serious deformities in the baby and how I would need to have regular blood tests to check my liver.  I also had to visit him each month so that he could monitor my progress and he stressed that I should call him if I was concerned about anything no matter how small or had any untoward symptoms.   Notwithstanding that Accutane was extremely costly and my medical didn't cover it and it was also a potent medication that is not to be taken lightly, I decided to go ahead with the treatment.

Everything went beautifully until the third month when I woke up one morning and found I had arthritic pains in all my joints.  I called my dermatologist and he reduced the dosage.  He said I would probably only have a 92% cure rather than a 100% one.  I was a little disappointed to hear that.  Within a few days of lowering the Accutane dosage, however, the pains disappeared and I was able to continue using Accutane till the end of the treatment period of 4 months. 

One of the nicest things I experienced while on Accutane was the dryness of my hair which had always been exceptionally oily and thus needed to be washed every day.  The worst experience, of course, was the painful joints and very dry lips but I also had a grumpy feeling about me which is not part of my normal disposition.

As I said, it has been twenty years since I took that course of Accutane and though I have very occasionally experienced a small bump on my face, it has disappeared within a day or two.  I still have some acne scars but nothing like it would have been had I not taken Accutane.  

While I am very grateful that Accutane was available to me to stop the pain and indignity of my acne, I know it is not for everyone. For me, it was one of the best things I have ever done and I will always hold Accutane in high regard.  The joy of being acne free for the past twenty years is immeasurable.

Update on Monday, December 7, 2009 at 8:39AM by [Pamela McMonagle]

It appears that Roche are pulling Accutane from the American market, I believe because of lawsuits.   I, for one, am extremely sad to hear that. It is devastating news for acne sufferers.  

It was the only drug that cured my acne and anyone who thinks that acne is not a serious and debilitating disease has no idea what they are talking about unless they have experienced it. I've heard it said "oh it's only a psychological complaint, not a real disease".  I say, unless you've walked a mile in an acne suffers shoes, you have no right to comment.  People use Botox and have face lifts and plastic surgery to remove lines and sags from their faces for heaven sakes, how much worse not to be able to remove the horrible scar producing acne from their faces and I'm talking about acne that starts in the teenage years and continues for the rest of your life!!

I am talking about acne that can change a beautiful face and smooth back into a monstrous ugly tangle of scars and oozing bumps. Yes acne causes psychological damage but it is also physically painful and damaging and ugly.

What would we do without those lightweight disposable plastic grocery bags? Imagine if they no longer exist. Imagine if they get banned from all shopping centers!  Horror of all horrors!  Suddenly we wouldn't have any plastic bags to reuse for the dogs poop or the baby's disposable diapers - ugh - that could cause a problem!  A smelly one.

What about those clean-eaten chicken bones and T Bones and lamb and pork chop bones that you store in used plastic grocery bags inside the freezer until the next garbage pick up?  No used plastic grocery bags for placing shoes in when travelling or going to the gym or soft ball practice and what about wet clothes and swim wear? What will we do with those on the drive home from the beach or a friend's house?  For those of you blessed with orange, lemon or other fruit trees and bushes, who so willingly share this bounty with neighbors and friends by the bagful, what would you use instead of those handy plastic reusuable grocery bags?

I would certainly be lost without a used grocery bag to put the wet umbrella into and those wet snow and ice removing implements and gloves which would have to be stuck on the carpet in the trunk.  Oh and what about a "garbage" bag for the car especially on a long trip and there is always the spare used ones I keep in the glove compartment in case one of the kids throw up from car sickness.  Then there's the waste bins in the bathrooms and bedrooms  - no recycled used grocery liners for those!

Of course I could always start buying more boxes of baggies or dinkum trash liners but that would be using new bags for the above uses which are always pretty much taken care of by saving the disposable plastic grocery bags.  Besides, they wouldn't be big enough and certainly won't be able to be tied securely to keep out smells without those bothersome wire ties.

I also often wonder how hygienic these new reusable polyester and nylon bags are when they get used over and over across check out counters and in shopping carts and in the trunk with fresh food.  Of course people may diligently wash them and let them drip-dry in their bathrooms or something, every time they're used.  I read a report that staph bacteria binds to polyester pretty strongly and that two thirds of shopping carts tested had fecal matter on them.  Not very kosher at all!

You know, it kind of reminds me of a time when doctors didn't use gloves to perform surgeries and how the invention of disposable gloves saved so many lives because of bacteria not being transferred.

Oh and if the grocers decide to keep offering the indispensable disposal plastic grocery bags but start charging a fee for them, they will definitely add money to their pockets.  What a bonus for them!  They already have the bags priced into each item. 

Needless to say, I do not shop at stores who don't offer free disposable plastic shopping bags because I'm really afraid I'll run out of reusable plastic disposable bags doing my shopping that way!!  I can't imagine using new clear plastic bags for the above uses.  Can you?

Seriously though, if you're not into washing and drying and storing and remembering to drag fabric or so-called "green" bags with you for your weekly groceries and think you'll use paper over plastic, you'd be wise to study more about it because it actually costs environmentally more to produce and deliver paper bags than it does plastic. Also, these new stronger "green" polyester and nylon bags, they too will end up on the landfill and they will take infinitely longer to decompose.  For those who don't want to use disposable plastic bags - that's okay with me.  I respect your decision.  I do hope you'll respect mine and that I don’t want to pay double for my plastic bags but if I really have to, I will.  In the long run, it will be environmentally cheaper than using new plastic bags for those "old" conveniences.

As a mom I want the best for my children.  As a mom, I am like millions of other moms through the ages who took then, and, take now, the protecting, nurturing and guiding of their children seriously.  As a mom like you, the caring and loving of our children is unconditional and unequal to anything outside the home and the circle of our arms. 

Why is it then that some feel that once our children step into a school to learn academics that we have given up control of our children to these institutions?

Suddenly school boards, principals and teachers know what's best for our children on levels way beyond reading, writing, and math. They think we, as moms, fail in so many "life" skills that it is up to the institutions to teach them these valuable attributes along with their math and science.

I hear that there is talk about lengthening the school hours to further erode the time we have with our children because the powers that be think that the academics these institutions teach are more important than family time and other activities that aren't provided by schools.  As a mom, you know that ballet, horse riding, skating, badminton, little league, karate, judo, piano and other musical instrument lessons, religious education, baking and cooking with mom, fixing the car with dad, learning people skills with siblings and friends, playing board games and chess with grandma or grandad and learning to lose gracefully, play an important part in the education and wholeness of us as individuals.

Is your education worth naught because you didn't go to school for longer hours? 

Now some will say "oh but look at the statistics the academia have quoted about other countries being way ahead in math and the sciences than American schools and they have longer hours" and "we have different responsibilities in the 21st century to stretch our minds" and "we have done experiments with children with longer hours and they do exceptionally well and they love it".   (Malcolm Gladwell's book "Outliers" has an example of this regimen but though he told us about the successes, he did not mention the failures nor does the book show stats of what affects "all work and very little family time" will have on these children in later years.  I think it’s a good book but I don't agree with this part of it.)

As a mom who knows her children best, I say, if the children haven't learned these math, science and reading skills in the time they currently have at school we should take a harder look at the curriculum (particularly the time spent on training for the FCATS (in Florida) STAR (in California) and other State test scores) and also at how the teachers are doing their jobs.  Are they in their jobs because they love teaching children, for instance, or because it's just a means of income?  It's also no secret that some deadbeat or inept teachers are kept on the pay roll because of tenure and/or unions.  I've had personal experience of that scenario.  I also have experience with  schools outside the U.S.A.

My children are out of school now.  I am proud of the adults they have become.  While they were in school, as a caring and loving mom, I was always engaged in their school activities and education.  When the school didn't do the right thing I complained.  If the principal did nothing I went to the local school board or higher.

Children are a precious gift from God and as their moms we have a right and a duty to speak up for them so they can become well-rounded moms and dads themselves.   

I have received so many requests from India for a brinjal poem that I have finally composed a poem about brinjals and have it listed under "poetry" in the main part of my website.  It is called "Brinjals - The King of Vegetables".  Here is a link to it: Poetry

I was saddened today to see that Kraft has made a hostile takeover bid for Cadbury and their delicious chocolates and candy.  I know that shareholder pressure and financial gain will ultimately dictate whether Kraft are successful in their bid. So far, it seems Cadbury has resisted them.  It would be a great pity if Kraft were actually able to succeed in a takeover in the future.

That reason is simple: Cane Sugar.  Yes, anything American food and beverage companies can get their hands on they will eventually change from cane sugar to corn syrup and where applicable, they will introduce the cheap E102 (yellow #5) as the yellow colorant in the candy.  Cheaper to make, more profits they'd argue.  I'd say that Cadbury's vision, and I quote, in part, "the biggest and best" and their commitment to taste and flavor, may not last if this substitute for cane sugar takes over.

Corn Syrup has a decidedly different, sickly sweet taste and is no match for cane sugar.  I go out of my way to buy Cadbury and frequent the International Food store on a regular basis to buy chocolate bars and candy made with cane sugar.

If I were the marketing arm of Cadbury I'd tout the cane sugar over anything else. If you believe you are "the biggest and the best" then it is worth standing up for what makes it a superior product, namely, cane sugar.

Update on Friday, November 20, 2009 at 11:50AM by [Pamela McMonagle]

It appears that Kraft now has a contender in the form of Hersheys.  I have written to the Chairman of Cadburys to resist their bids but I may be a lone voice unless others who feel the same way do the same.

Update on Wednesday, January 13, 2010 at 8:35AM by [Pamela McMonagle]

So far Cadbury has rejected Kraft's offers.  Hopefully they will continue to do so and hopefully the shareholders will side with Cadbury's Chairman, Roger Car and reject Kraft's offer.  Kraft don't care about the chocolate, they only care about how their bottom line is going to look to their shareholders. At this time Hershey is quiet - in the discourse about Hershey's interest,  someone said that Cadbury in America was made by Hersheys anyway ....... yes, but under licence to Cadbury which means - it's made according to Cadbury standards.   Again, hopefully, Hershley will remain quiet.

Update on Tuesday, January 19, 2010 at 6:14PM by [Pamela McMonagle]

As you may have heard, Cadbury's shareholders and Cadbury's Chairman, Roger Carr have caved and sold out to Kraft.   All I can say is that Cadbury's shareholders preferred the numbers in their bank accounts to the chocolate that Cadbury makes.  There can't be one true chocolate lover in Cadbury's midst.  There are no guarantees that Cadbury Chocolate will remain, as they are, one of a kind, mouthwatering Chocolate. It's a sad, sad  day for Cadbury Chocolate Lovers.

Since my son's engagement, I have been swept into the excited discussions with him and his bride-to-be on wedding plans and, particularly, venues. One of the venues under consideration is a beautiful Victorian mansion in the sprawling grounds of an historical country estate in the heart of a neighboring city which greets you with a magnificent porte-cochere and old world charm.  The massive bold and impressive doors open to a stunning ballroom of crystal chandeliers and round tables dressed in elegant floor length linens and complimented with gold Chivari chairs.  An idyllic setting except for the customer service.

I was asked to take a look at this charming place and called yesterday for an appointment.  The receptionist told me that the wedding coordinator was in a meeting but that she would ask her to call me at around 1.30 to 2.00 p.m.  At 3.30 p.m. I had still not heard from her so I called again.  The receptionist was flustered when she heard my voice which is quite distinctive given I have not got an American accent and without apologizing for the coordinator's discourtesy in not getting back to me, she put me through to her. 

Nor was there any apology from the coordinator herself and so I graciously assumed that she hadn't got the message from the receptionist.  I made an appointment for 12.30 p.m. to-day to tour the facility.  We arrived on time and once again, the receptionist was flustered.  It appears the coordinator had not returned from a dental appointment and the receptionist hurriedly alerted the Director of Sales who came across immediately to show us around.

She was charming and pleasant as she guided us through the grand ballroom and told us how their award winning chef would meet personally with the bride with samples of the various dishes so that they could taste them and decide on what they liked.  She was happy to call the bride's mother in Georgia and work with her on an individualized wedding package.  There was no doubt that she was passionate about the venue and the cuisine and how much effort they put into weddings.

I came away feeling that it would be a lovely place for my son's wedding despite the hiccup of shoddy customer service at the beginning of our encounter with the facility.  The professional thing to do would have been for the coordinator to call me this afternoon to apologize for not being available due to an unavoidable extension to her dental appointment.

In the meantime, learning about the traditions and nuances of an American wedding up close is a new experience for me and it is both intriguing and exciting. 

Note:  Since my view on the poor service in the above article and without mentioning it to my son and his fiancee, they too received poor service when they went to view the place.  Also, a friend who had dined there told me that he felt the service had slipped from when it first opened. When will business owners learn that customer service is a key component in running a successful business!

I would like to congratulate my son and his fiancée on their engagement over the weekend. My son, you make a delightful engaged couple, and your future bride is not only lovely but she is also sweet, kind and courageous. Overcoming, with such determination, a devastating auto accident, caused by a drunk driver, is both gutsy and admirable. Learning to talk all over again and then becoming a speech pathologist and working with stroke victims with such dedication reveals what a strong character she has.

She too, is lucky to have such a patient and understanding young man as you for her future husband.

Congratulations and God Bless you both.

When my mother was 76 she was admitted to hospital for a third time because of heart failure due to a lack of potassium. On the other two occasions she had been sent to a hospital in Johannesburg. This time her primary healthcare doctor sent her to a hospital in her home town in the East Rand under the care of a local cardiologist.

On the day my mother was admitted to the healthcare facility, I was unable to visit her because children under twelve were not allowed and my husband was out of town for day, leaving me with no one to take care of my children. When I arrived at the hospital the following morning expecting to see my mother bright and cheery, I was appalled to find that unlike previous occasions when she had recovered virtually within hours of being admitted to the hospital in Johannesburg, she was fading pretty fast. She was too weak to acknowledge my presence or even to move her lips when I put a glass of water to them and there was no sign of an intravenous drip.  I immediately demanded to see the matron who informed me that they were following the doctor's orders, namely to make her comfortable.

The cardiologist's surgery was in a wing of the hospital and I contacted my brother to meet me at his rooms. When my brother arrived we informed the doctor's receptionist that we wanted to see him immediately and that we would wait right there at her window until he came out to meet with us.

Ten minutes later, when we asked this cardiologist why he wasn't addressing her heart failure in the same way it had been attended to in the past, he had the audacity to tell us that she was old and that we must expect that she wasn't going to live forever and that everyone had their time and it would be a kindness to her to let things play out naturally.

We were infuriated. I told him what I thought of him and hoped that he had more compassion for his own mother than he was having for ours and we immediately called her primary healthcare doctor and insisted that my mother be transferred to Johannesburg under the care of the cardiologist who had helped her in the past.

I travelled the 50 miles in the ambulance with her to the private hospital in Johannesburg. Once she was settled in their care I called home where my husband was taking care of our children and we agreed that I would stay at the hospital until my mother had recovered enough to be in control of her life again. Even though I trusted this hospital more than the other, I wasn't going to leave her healthcare to the mercy of the medical profession again.

That night my mother was able to sit up against the pillows of the hospital bed and smile at us.

That night, too, my brother received an abject apology, by phone, from the doctor who had been willing to let her die. Probably his conscience and the Hippocratic Oath had got to him. I'm sure had this happened in the USA he would've lost his license and have been sued for all he had…and rightfully so.

A week later my mother returned home and lived until she was 81. In those six years my 2 year old daughter and 5 year old son played board games with and listened to stories read by their grandmother which would otherwise have been denied them. When she passed away my 8 year old and 11 year old wrote notes of love and appreciation for their grandmother that were read at her funeral.

I never knew my maternal or paternal grandparents. They had passed away by the time I was born. I am grateful that my children were able to know their grandmother. Parents are precious, their love and worthiness should never be undermined or discarded by anyone because of their age.

Customer Service is the vanguard of any business.  Customer service means being genuinely engaged with your customer, smiling, giving, forgiving and pleasing.  

When a company employs new staff it shouldn't have to say to them:  give the customer outstanding customer service; the words "customer service" should mean outstanding and everyone in the organization, from the top down should know this.  

It is after all common sense isn't it? Every single person in a company is also a customer when he/she steps out of the company's portal.  The words: "Treat customers as if you are talking to yourself and then some." should prevail throughout any transaction with a customer.

It amazes me how many companies ignore, become irritated, or pay little attention to complaints. If one person complains you can be assured that there were others who didn't openly complain but voiced their frustration to others about poor customer service or lack thereof…possibly never using that company's product or service again.

Too many think its no big deal to lose one customer/client when there are millions more to fill that person's place. Are there? Of course there are. In a country of millions what difference does it make if a few customers are unhappy?

In the short term it may not make a difference but there will be a tipping point and a company will begin to lose sales and revenue. In the scramble to justify this loss everything other than customer service will be blamed.

I have written several letters over the years to the CEO's of various companies to complain about customer service. Yes, I did get a call back from someone in the company to help me with that particular situation but did it help the company? No. It just carried on doing the same rotten things without learning that if one person complained there were others with the same complaint who didn't. Can the company not see that it isn't just about fixing my complaint; it is about fixing the reason for the complaint.

Also, even when I get a call back from some minnow in a company to help me, it oftentimes, didn't mean that the complaint was satisfactorily resolved. The company remained in the dark about this unless I made another call. No one on a higher level had been assigned to make a courtesy call to enquire if my complaint had been resolved. In fact, they sometimes put the burden on me to call back if I wasn't entirely happy with their second attempt. What? I had to give them a third crack at providing the customer service that should have been mine to begin with?

I have found that the further the chain of command gets from the founder or CEO in large companies, chains and franchises, the worse the customer service is. Smaller businesses have their own poor qualities and their problem is often rooted in the owner himself not being a people-person or like the large companies, employing the wrong frontline people to begin with.  Not everyone has the smile, the energy or the countenance to charm the customer.

Sometimes the company itself gives the employee something untenable to work with and then the lack of empathy from the employee is a further egregious act. Let me explain.

A little while back I had the privilege to do quite a bit of first class flying because my son was an airline employee and as his parent, I got free stand-by travel benefits. Now we all know that travelling first class is pretty expensive.  A first class ticket to London for instance can run around $3,500 as opposed to about $600 economy. Paying $3,500 for a ticket would certainly entitle you to great service don't you think? Not so. A gentleman, booked in first class, who boarded last, was given a choice of beef or chicken for the main meal by the flight attendant. He chose beef. The flight attendant disappeared to the galley but then returned to his seat a few minutes later and in a gruff, unsmiling, uncaring manner said: "Sorry sir we are out of beef, I'm going to have to put you down for chicken."

Eh? I was horrified. I waited for the man to complain but he politely nodded his head in acceptance. I felt more outraged than it appeared he did. How can an airline be out of beef for a first class passenger? Someone who has paid $3,500, just like all the others in first class, but because he boarded last he was not going to get his choice, beef. How outrageous.

The thing is, it wasn't just a one-off occurrence that this airline couldn't fulfill the request of a first class passenger. On the return journey some two weeks later I witnessed the exact same scenario but with a different passenger and a different flight attendant. This time the flight attendant was a little less gruff, smiled apologetically but yet still did not go out of her way to offer a little more than "well you can't have beef, so, now, all there is, is chicken".

She could have been a whole lot more apologetic. She could have brought him the menu, made some suggestions like perhaps a double helping of chicken or asked if there was anything else she could get him to make up for such an oversight. She could really have shown, not only him, but all the other passengers witnessing this scene that this was not a regular occurrence and that she and her company were deeply sorry for this inconvenience.

Both these employees should have made this a big issue with their airline when they landed to make sure this never happened again. Somehow I doubt that either of them did anything.

As for the gentleman who simply nodded at being told he couldn't have beef, I stood in line with him for our baggage and we got talking. I found out that he was a business executive and a frequent first class flyer and that he intended to avoid that particular airline whenever he could in the future.

If he was prepared to tell me this, a perfect stranger, I wonder how many friends he conveyed his dissatisfaction to.

Customer service is exactly that. Serving the customer in every which way to make the customer like us - no, love us - and use us or buy from us over and over again and then tell their friends about how much faith they have in us so that they in turn, try us and use us or buy from us over and over again.  Actually, it should be plain common sense.

I learned of Sam Hinton folk songs for children through Dr. Fitzhugh Dodson's book "How to Discipline With Love" and when a friend of mine visited the U.S.A. in 1984, I asked him to buy "Whoever Shall Have Some Peanuts" and "I'll Sing You A Story".    

The folk songs within these albums became firm favorites of our whole family. We laughed at the humorous lyrics and sang along with Sam no matter if some of us were out of tune. They were so much fun and we sang and clapped the Sam Hinton songs on our many road trips throughout South Africa and Zimbabwe.

When we arrived in Miami in November 1994 after an 18 hour flight from South Africa we had to drive to Orlando; another 4 hours on top of that long flight and it was Sam that kept my husband awake on the road and my children occupied and my overtired nerves calmed.

We exchanged our South Africa road trips for American road trips and continued to sing Sam Hinton songs throughout the States. From Orlando to Niagara Falls and back, songs like "Old Blue", "Little Old Woman All Skin and Bones, "Old Boastun Was Dead", "Michael Finnegan", "Ain't We Crazy", "Hambone" and "Old Dan Tucker" and the many many other beloved songs from these albums, that we sung with glee and fervor.

My children are grown now but recently I wrote a story about our trip up north to find snow called "By Golly! We Found Snow!" in which I mentioned our singing those Sam Hinton songs all along the I-75 corridor. It brought back many happy memories. These folksongs are ageless, priceless gems and should be passed on from generation to generation in perpetuity

I would like to thank Sam, whom I understand is now 92 years old for bringing so much songful joy to our lives.

Kindest regards to you Sam!

Update on Tuesday, September 15, 2009 at 4:23PM by [Pamela McMonagle]

Sam Hinton passed away on September 10th, 2009.  By all accounts he lived a full and rich life.  I am sad that I never got to meet him but there is a wonderful Youtube video of his playing the harmonica that is worth listening to.  Rest In Peace Sam.

On this day, the 4th of July 2009, our Birthday, we have more reason than ever before to hold Freedom as a symbol to strive for, for all people. One of the biggest freedoms of all is the freedom to speak. As we have seen, people who speak out in peace, in many other countries can be killed and jailed.

It's very unfortunate, therefore, that having a different opinion or disagreeing with someone, no matter how politely, can create such vitriol as to vilify and silence the speaker, this, particularly, from various media outlets. So much so, that many people do not speak out and hide their true opinions from the open arena for fear of being ostracized. 

Knowing this, we use the ballot box to make our voices heard and it is an important component in the freedom our founding fathers fought for. So never fear that you do not have the freedom to speak because as long as we keep our ballot box free from contamination, we will have freedom.

As we celebrate with fireworks and gatherings of family and friends, we say Happy Birthday to our nation born on 4th July 1776.

The smile on the young South Korean's face did not falter as he stalwartly pushed my husband in his wheelchair from one end of Incheon International Airport to the other in pursuit of the various formalities our return trip from Australia via South Korea to the USA entailed.

In seeking the best hotel for our overnight stay, we settled on the Best Western because of its familiarity and it being close to the airport and the young South Korean settled us outside on the sidewalk in front of the sign for the Best Western transportation stop. Before leaving us, he wrote a note in Korean to the bus driver to ensure that customer service at the airport were notified when we left the hotel in the morning so that someone could meet us at the curb. When we offered him a generous tip, he politely refused. In his limited English and with a broad smile he explained that he was only doing his job and didn't need to be compensated. We, in turn, told him how grateful we were for his outstanding service and that we had no other way to show him our gratitude. After several further refusals he finally and, reluctantly, capitulated.

The Best Western, in keeping with its US roots, proved quite ordinary except for some Korean culture differences in décor and presentation but the service from their front desk in the person of a young lady called Cathy was beyond reproach and worthy of accolades. She pampered us on arrival and the following day arranged for an American breakfast to be cooked especially for us. Then, instead of putting us on the hotel bus, she had one of their SUV's, obviously kept for more notable guests with its little vase of plastic flowers on the dashboard, take us to the airport.

At the airport, when the black Hyundai pulled up at the curb, one of the airport customer service representatives had a cart ready for our luggage and a huge welcoming smile on her face and she quickly stepped up to push my husband in his wheelchair.

  Incheon International Airport - Click photo to enlarge 

There is no doubt that the flight on Korean Air to and from Australia to South Korea was marked with doting flight attendants. They not only performed their duties with aplomb but with smiles and incredible friendly and genteel attitudes. That, along with the Incheon Airport and Best Western Hotel experience left a warm hospitable impression of South Korea, as a whole, on us.

I was amazed when I had to fill out a new patient form at a gynecologist recently and one of the questions posed inquired about my level of education.

I wondered what difference my education made to my healthcare. If I hadn't acquired a degree, for instance, would I have less knowledge of how to take care of myself than if I had a college degree? Would I be treated with more respect if I had a college degree and would the respect be magnified if I had a doctorate? Would my treatment be less or more according to my education?

Would I be treated in accordance with my level of education to the exclusion of age, accomplishment and experience which could easily top a degree - look at Michael Dell, Bill Gates and Richard Branson. Would Branson be considered less capable of understanding the doctor's diagnosis and proposed treatment in the eyes of the doctor and his staff if they didn't know about his accomplishments and noted only that he had dropped out of high school? Would he therefore, get a convoluted explanation because it was thought he was too uneducated to understand?

Why exactly is the perception of our health measured against our education? You might think I'm being ornery but that kind of question insults me. I felt like signing the form with an X to see what would happen!

Give the Gift of Manners to your child and you give him nuggets of gold. No education is complete without manners.

Imagine your doctor, with all his education, spitting into his waste basket during a consultation or pushing his way in front of you through a doorway! Okay, you say, that's extreme, and maybe it is, but he's made you wait in the waiting room for an hour and half beyond your appointment time and not apologized hasn't he? Education made him a doctor but not a gentleman.

Imagine a businessman in a Brioni suit, tie and shoes with an MBA certificate on the wall of his CEO office, who rolls down his Mercedes Benz window and gobs into the street or when done eating at that fancy restaurant, leaves his fork and knife at 8 o'clock and 4 o'clock. It can happen. I've seen it. His stature is diminished. Education made him a rich man but his manners make him a slob.

Imagine a high school graduate who couldn't afford Princeton or Harvard or the college in the next county, who flips burgers and wears ripped jeans and soiled Reeboks. When an older woman boards the 5 o'clock subway he offers his seat to her and when he reaches the mall doors at the same time as that woman he instantly opens and holds the door for her. In formal education he may be poor but in breeding he is rich.

And what about the women who pooh-pooh and laugh at such chivalry? They don't demand nor command respect and they don't get it. Unfortunately they don't become the mothers who give gold nuggets to their children either.